Friday, May 19, 2006

Another friday...Do I want to do something ?

Suddenly its that phase of life when I don't like working, I don't like sitting idle on my workstation, I don't like almost anything. Some kind of depression is taking over, I fear. But then, my concious mind takes over and makes me get engaged. I have seen this happening over a few days and now can recognize this as it happens.

For example, Today first half of the day was victim of my depression. First I had a bad quarrel with her over phone, and then I didn't feel like going to office. I just wanted to lie down in my bed and do nothing... let my mind wander around... without limitations... sort of thing people would imagine to do on a holiday.

No, but my mind took over and then i made myself shower and get ready to office. Like an obedient boy, i was on my workstation.. doing nothing for some time... it just didn't click.

Then I called the migration office here in Zurich and tried to find someone who can speak to me in English and enquired about her procesing status. And, I got to know another story. I call them stories because each time I try to figure out the status, a new thread comes out.

They told me that its waiting on one of my documents, my resident permit. As soon as that is done, they can go ahead with her processing. However, there is nothing stopping my resident permit from being issued. Its just that they have too much work and things are going late. I told her many things about my situation, in personal life and that i might have to leave this job and go back if it doesn#t come faster.

And she suggested that i call back again on tuesday and that she would press it for urgent processing.

After the telephone call, I felt like crying... really the frustration is so much and I personally can#t handle it all alone. I hate it when things are not in my control, even knowledge. I have come to depend a lot on knowledge of things. If i know about something, as to how would it work like, i already feel better.

So, in this case, I have no, absolutely no clear picture.

On the workstation then, I finished some unfinished business, something I was doing for the first time in life and therefore the learning curve was too steep. The challenge engaged me for some time. But then that also finished.

After that i forced myself to study a document, based on which i had to design a sub-system. Suddenly I realized that i am getting interested in the functionality of the system. and that's exactly when i realized that a part of me doesn't want to do anything, but there is another subconcious that makes me work. For that is life for me. Work is what I do, I can't imagine myself sitting idle and do Nothing for more than a few seconds. Till the time my body allows me... i tend to keep doing something.

Well. after the engagement in the analysis cheered me up a little, I faced another fiasco. I planned to watch a movie in a theatre. I have been watching many movies over DVD players or PC but not so many in a theatre. So i investigated and chose a movie after confirming about the language with the half-english-speaking telephone operator. I booked tickets for myself and two colleagues, whom i convinced to get along.

When we reached there at the stipulated time, we were told that the language is in-fact German and there are only English subtitles. Utterly horrified by the idea of watching something like that we dropped the plan. What a disappointment. Even worse was the fact that there was no other movie running in English language. All movies were either running in German language or in other native languages, showing subtitles in different langauges. I wanted to opt for "Da Vinci Code" but couldn't, since it was running in German language without any subtitles. :((

Felt really bad coming home, sort of empty handed.

Well, then the better part happened, I spoke to her using Yahoo Messenger (with voice) for about half an hour... it was lovely.

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